I am exercised by the need to retain my youthful vigour even as I take a step nearer towards my inevitable dotage. An old friend, who is resident in Sussex, informed me recently of an establishment in which a skilled practitioner can work to remove the outward effects of ageing.
My visage being decidedly wrinkled and discoloured from the soot of my London townhouse, I ventured to the coast last week to avail myself of a service to which hitherto I had been oblivious.
On arrival at a salon in the sea-side town of Hove, I was met by a lady who wagered she could make an improvement to my appearance within a mere five and fifty minutes. Dubious though I was, I retired to a booth in her company, chaperoned only by my wife and two of my most trusted servants. At once it was demanded that I should remove my jacket.
"Shame on you, Madam", I replied. "I was informed by Dr Thomas that this was a respectable house and that you and your ladies act with the upmost discretion and propriety. Not even my good lady wife has ever before requested me to remove my jacket! I find your suggestion most indecent and must, regrettably, bid you Good Day."
Although I am certain I made the correct moral decision, there is still a part of me which wonders whether I have simultaneously abandoned any chance of retaining my youth. There is an elixir advertised in the latest Gazette and I am minded to respond by return of post.
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